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Kate O’Brien – and her new book “UnStuck: Helping Teens and Young Adults Flourish in an Age of Anxiety”

Born in Galway, Ireland, Kate has been working, writing and living in the wellbeing space in various parts of the world for 30 years now, combining her scientific, nutrition and yoga teaching qualifications to help others along their unique journey to health, wellbeing and joy. She is an honours science graduate and a qualified dietitian with a post-graduate diploma in cosmetic science and has been practising yoga for close to 30 years (and teaching for 6).

Having lived in Asia (mostly Hong Kong) for close to 20 years Kate offers a uniquely balanced and rounded perspective on health having worked with and learnt from leading experts and healers from all corners of the world. Now in Dublin with her 3 children, Kate continues to write in global publications including Departures International, Conde Nast Traveller, Country & Town House (UK), Signature Wellness (Australia) and The Gloss magazine in Ireland, amongst others.

She has written nine lifestyle books including Your Middle Years, and GLOW: Your complete four-week plan to healthy radiant skin. Kate is founding judge of the prestigious annual Asia Spa awards. Her 10th book : UnStuck: Helping Teens and Young Adults Flourish in an Age of Anxiety” is currently at the final stages of editing. We are excited to welcome Kate at Placesofhealing.com

POH-FRANK 

You are a successful author with almost ten books published. After “Your Middle Years” and “Glow,” what inspired you to write “UnStuck: Helping Teens and Young Adults Flourish in an Age of Anxiety”?

KATE

It started in the pandemic,  I felt quite helpless. And I rarely feel like that because I’ve been around a long time, and I normally will have some way of figuring out where I need to go, or what needs to be done with my children.  I have three children of my own, two of whom were probably at the worst ages during the beginning of the pandemic. When the pandemic hit, my youngest was just finishing up his primary school years and missed out on the most important part of it. My daughter was finishing school when the first lockdown came. She was literally about to start her final school exams and had struggled for some years with mental health issues.My eldest at the time was just finishing the first year in university in the US.

I had been aware, through my work, of escalating mental health issues in young people. Through the research I do with work, I had been conscious of it. I read quite a lot of books and online content from people that resonate with me . So I’ve been reading quite a bit.

A turning point to get more involved in this topic,  was the suicide of a very good friend’s daughter. She was 20 years old, and this was again near the beginning of COVID. I remember speaking with the dad before she died, and she was really struggling. I felt for parents and providers of care, that the world has just changed so incredibly quickly that a lot of us don’t know what to do. Many other people were feeling helpless. I’ve been living and working in the whole health and well-being space for many years, and I felt helpless. So that was the instigator for it.

POH-FRANK

This is your 10th book – What key takeaways from “Your Middle Years” do you think are applicable to teens and young adults facing anxiety today?

KATE

I could use quite a lot, and I used a lot from my own knowledge and years of practice.  There is this African Proverb:

‘The youth run the fastest, but the elders know the path.’

So my own spiritual practice really came into its own in this. As you yourself know, regardless of your age, the important thing is for all of us to just be with ourselves. The answers are inside. They’re not out there. We’re all searching for something bigger, something better. We’re all wanting to look better, feel better, do better. But all the answers to everything are inside. It’s only when we sit with ourselves that things start to come.

These are the messages throughout the book. In your middle years, especially for women, there’s always the pressure to do, do, do—trying to achieve, trying to be a better parent, trying to be better professionally, trying to look better. We don’t have time to just be. Regardless of age, the new book is for older teenagers, young adults, parents, and providers of care. –  This includes therapists and anyone working with teenagers and young adults, as it can help them too.

It’s also very suitable for young adults themselves because it includes practices like starting a meditation practice, which I don’t even call meditation. For me, the word “meditation” makes my mind go berserk. The only way I learned to sit with myself was by not using that word. It’s a scary word for a lot of people. So, I just sit with myself for 10 minutes every morning. I can’t do much more than that, and 10 minutes is fine. Now I do 15 minutes. I started with two minutes and built it up over years. I’ve learned the hard way because it didn’t come naturally since I’m a doer. I always thought unless I did things, nothing would come to me, but that wasn’t true.

POH-FRANK

So, reflecting on your previous book “Glow,” which focused on nutrition and skincare, how do you see the connection between physical health and appearance with mental well-being in young people? Given the tremendous pressure young people face to present themselves a certain way and fit in, how do you think physical health and appearance influence their mental health?

KATE 

I think it’s hugely important for mental well-being, and it’s all part of the same mind-body connection. It’s not just our physical body and how we look; that actually comes from how we fuel ourselves, how we fuel our bodies. And that’s where food comes in, obviously. Again, coming back to sitting in stillness, it’s all part of the same thing.  Even when you look at Western medicine, it’s really effective and needed, but it still tends to isolate different parts of the body. But really, we are one whole person, and the body-mind connection is so important.

In “Glow,” there’s a huge emphasis on gut health, which is even bigger now than when I wrote the book five years ago. My background as a qualified dietitian—my first science degree was in dietetics—helped me bring everything together beautifully.  It’s about feeling good on the outside and the inside. I firmly believe that if you’re feeling good inside, that glow is more apparent. There’s a chapter on sleep, and I know myself that if I don’t get even one good night’s sleep, it impacts how I look and, for me, that impacts how I feel. It’s all so closely interconnected.

Going back to the gut, nearly 70-80% of our immune system is in our gut, and the gut-brain axis is fundamental. There’s also a gut-skin axis, and there’s a microbiome in our skin. If we don’t feed the microbiome in our skin well, our skin will react. It’s all one system, regardless of gender or age. The sooner people start to realize that and not isolate different body parts, the better they will feel and look.

Coming back to the current anxiety, I think we all know that social media has a lot of responsibility in that, as does the introduction of the iPhone when it first came out. I’ve mentioned this in the book; one of the chapters at the beginning is titled “The Age of Anxiety and an Age of Opportunity.” This is where we’ve got to pivot, and this is what we’re talking about. Yes, it’s all extremely worrying—the environment and everything.  But as the older generation, we have to join forces with the young people. They are engaging in a lot of ethical activism now, which is wonderful, and they are trying to undo some of the damage that our generation has done.

We have to be that lighthouse in the storm, and we can be. We’re never too small or insignificant to make a difference. That’s the big thing. A few years back, I felt that there was no point and that I couldn’t do anything, but that attitude impacts my children and the people I come in contact with. Every person and every action can make a difference.

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POH-FRANK

So obviously, parents live a busy life. What did you observe as the common signs of anxiety in teens and young adults, and what should parents and educators be aware of? Are there some signs that you would say, “Okay, if this stuff pops up, you know something is off”?

KATE

Well, I think as a parent, it’s just about noticing behavior. Thankfully, with my life experience, my own practice, and my profession, I am quite aware of changes in behavior. I’m cognizant of them and have a good idea of what to look for. Primarily, in a young person, it’s a change in behavior. If they are reluctant to leave their room. My youngest is 16, and I try desperately hard to reduce his screen time, not to eliminate it completely but to reduce it. During lockdowns, there was nothing else for them to do, and it was their only way to socialize.

I remember a few times when the PlayStation was in another bedroom, not his own, and I went to tell him to turn it off at nine o’clock during a school term. He was laughing with friends, so I let him play longer because he needed it. The biggest indicator is a change in behavior. If you’re a parent who knows your child, which I hope most parents do, that’s what they should be aware of. The main themes from all the experts in the book, ranging from academics to wisdom holders to young activists, emphasize this. 

So there is for example, Leah Dorial, the founder of Oceanic Global,  she writes her story in the book. Every chapter is told through a personal story of how each person got to where they are.

POH-FRANK

As a parent you probably witness changes in behavior, but teens are also developing and going through puberty, which includes rebellious behavior against the older generation. So, how can you discern between natural developmental behavior and behavior that might be truly damaging to them? It can be pretty hard to tell, can’t it?

KATE

I think parents know. I’m guilty of it, and many other parents are guilty of spending too much time on our own phones. So, we’re actually not paying enough attention to them, and we’re missing these cues. They would give us cues, but we’re missing them because we’re too busy on the phone ourselves. So, we have a lot to learn, and there are studies coming through now. In one of the big universities in the US, they were talking about treating mental health issues in young people. They worked with the parents; they didn’t even work directly with the young people.

When I look at the way my children talk to me compared to how I would have spoken to my parents, I would never have told my parents things that my children tell me. They are much more open now, and that’s a really good thing.

POH-FRANK

Glad there is more openness when it comes to communication between children and the parents.

KATE

But then also, you’ve got to be careful that it’s not all about feeling brilliant all the time. It’s about having the right feelings at the right time. Sadness is okay. It’s okay to be sad. We all get sad. It would be strange if we weren’t. For young people, it’s normal to feel sad, and they need to know that it doesn’t mean there’s a big issue.

One of the biggest themes from the contributors in the book is the epidemic of loneliness we’re all going through. We’re more connected than ever, but not in person. There is an importance of community – it takes a village to raise a child. This is where indigenous wisdom comes into play.

We don’t look into people’s eyes; we’re connected through screens. Consequently, there’s an epidemic of loneliness, supported by many studies. Community and coming together in community was one of the biggest themes across all the chapters.

POH-FRANK

Obviously we communicate more through social media and digital formats. While it’s fascinating to bring people together from around the world, it lacks the energetic exchange of one-on-one meetings or group interactions, like in a family setting. So there is the illusion of community.  Social media is often blamed as a major factor in mental health issues, contributing to a selfie-obsessed society and promoting unrealistic images, especially with the rise of AI-generated beauty standards. What can parents do to educate young people about these fake, unrealistic ideals and images? Is there something specific they can do?

KATE

I think it’s about having open conversations with them and being real. Being real, honest, and open in conversations is the most important thing. When you look on social media and they’re looking at TikToks and whatever, everybody’s life seems amazing, they look amazing, and they’re doing amazing things. But that’s not real. Yes, some of these people might go to beautiful places, but it’s not reality, and you know that it’s not.

POH-FRANK

Usually nobody posts the negative or challenging parts of life

KATE

Having these honest, open conversations with them is hugely important. But thats also hugely important across the wellness industry in general. This is one of the advantages of being an older person in this industry: I’ve seen so much change, and so much of it is fake.

I put something on Instagram two or three days ago about one of the biggest trends now: “Longevity”. We want to live to 100 or 120. Really? Do you really want to live to 125 with 100 supplements a day when you can’t move? It’s not about that. It’s about living life in the moment, living for now, and making the most of what we have now.

And that goes back to talking to young people about that.  As I say to my children, and at the beginning of the book: “What makes you feel most alive? Go and do what makes you feel most alive.”

All of that is changing. When I was a child, my parents wanted me to get a secure, pensionable job. You climb the ladder, get so far up, then you might drop out because it was never what you should have been doing anyway. That’s all changing, which is fantastic. In the book, I also have ethical business owners sharing their recommendations for young people starting out professionally.

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POH-FRANK 

In the book, do you also talk about how to find professional help with therapy and counseling for young people? Many parents don’t even know where to reach out for professional help. There’s also probably a sense of shame, feeling like asking for professional help means they’re failing as a parent. Is there guidance on this topic as well?

KATE

There are a few links and resources at the end of the book, but because it will be published in multiple markets, I couldn’t go into too much detail. However, there is a lot of further reading available, which is fantastic. We have about 10 contributors, and each one has provided recommendations for books, websites, or other resources. Additionally, there will be lists of resources specific to the UK, US, Ireland, and hopefully Australia. Throughout each chapter, there will be specific recommendations to guide readers.

POH-FRANK

When will the book be published ?

KATE

Well, I was hoping for it to be released in September, but for various reasons, it has been postponed a little. So it will either be just before Christmas or possibly even in January. It will definitely be within the next five to six months at the very most. 

POH-FRANK 

Is there a book signing tour planned – so readers can meet you in person? 

KATE

There will be –  because my contributors are from all over the globe. So when I’m in the US, I will let you know.

POH-FRANK

Kate, thank you very much for your time – it was a pleasure talking to you.

 

ADDITIONAL INFO

All advance and contributors fee, plus 50% book royalties will be donated to Molly Olly’s Wishes –   Charity created by a close friend, Rachel Ollerenshaw, who lost her beautiful daughter Molly to cancer when she was nine years old.

The charity supports children with life-threatening illness and their families across the UK.
If Molly was still with us, she would be 20 now – the same age as Kate’s daughter Maya – and she too would be bravely navigating this new world we call home.

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